No. 33 – Go to a concert I’ve never been to before

Crossed off 2 February, 2013.

Last Saturday afternoon, I (impulsively) jumped on a plane to Sydney to go to see Swedish House Mafia’s One Last Tour show at Olympic Park. Yeah I did…

Fuelled by an insane and overwhelming desire to feel like a free-spirited solo traveller again (if only for 24 hours), I grabbed a pair of Havis, my sunnies, a change of clothes, my ticket and jumped on a flight, not really thinking about anything other than the sweet feeling of freedom…In hindsight, I probably should have checked the weather beforehand, as Sydney was actually quite chilly and rainy (and I was severely under-prepared for such weather in my singlet and mini shorts…) Anyhoo, the weather did nothing to dampen my spirits, as I surfed the Sydney rail system like a boss to arrive at Homebush, pumped and ready to get my rave on…

Feeling tremors of excitement radiating through my whole body, I ran through the tunnel of the Olympic Stadium and burst out on to the arena floor, just as the SHM lads opened up with thumping track ‘Greyhound’ and the crowd erupted into wild cheers and some killer dance moves. I pushed my way through the massive crowd to get as close as I could and spent the next 2 hours jumping up and down, laughing, singing, screaming, raving, and generally having the time of my life. Raving in the rain on a sweet summer’s night…gah!!! And I did it all without the assistance of any mood-altering substances (I didn’t even have a drink), and without an ounce of anxiety or worry (take that, old panic attacks!)

Opening the show in style…

Not only was Swedish House Mafia simply AH-mazing (seriously, if you haven’t already downloaded their Until Now album, do yourself a favour and jump on it…like, right now), giving a fantastic performance, playing incredible music, and pumping the crowd up to next-level awesomeness, the night was made even better by my own sense of pride, because – wait for it – I did this. All. On. My. Own.

Yup. You heard right – I went to a gigantic concert, in Sydney, all on my own, and danced the night away in my own little world. And I wasn’t even bothered by it at all…

Although many people were quite shocked to hear this – “What? It’s just you? So, you flew down to Sydney to go to a concert ALONE?!? Where’s all your friends?!?” – I  was actually quite proud to explain that I wasn’t going to let a small detail like being a solo sista’ stop me from doing something I truly wanted to do…even if it meant being the lone raver in the pack.

“Miami 2 Ibiza”

It’s a part of who I am now; I’m the girl who isn’t afraid to stand alone…of trying new things or going to places on her own…of having marvellous little solo adventures, just because she can…I’m the girl who has learnt to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. And although it would have been wonderful to share the night with someone – to dance and laugh and sing together – I am so incredibly stoked that I went and had such an amazing time…BOOM!

We came…we raved…we loved

As Sebastian, Axwell, and Steve – the SHM boys themselves – would say: “Don’t you worry, don’t you worry, child…see, heaven’s got a plan for you…”

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Lyrical Love: How a post-it note and Alicia Keys changed my life…

A couple of weeks ago, I received an incredible package of gorgeous goodies from my beautiful bloggy BFF in Ireland, Jenn from Positivity Pimp. I was lucky enough to win a giveaway on Jenn’s blog at Christmas time (talk about making my Christmas extra merry!) and all of the prizes were simply divine…hello, Argania Hair Oil, how my tresses love thee! 

With love from Ireland x

One of goodies included was Alicia Keys’ new album Girl on Fire. On the inside of the CD, I found a little handwritten note from Jenn, dedicating tracks 2, 4 & 6 to me and my journey. Curious, I slid the CD, skipped to track 2, hit play…and suddenly felt myself weeping tears of gratitude and understanding, as I listened to Brand New Me.

It was as if Alicia knew everything I had been through, every emotion I had felt in the last six months; every realisation I had discovered during my travels, in reflection of my journey, and had crafted this exquisite musical memoir in my honour. All of it perfectly laid out in a melody that captured my heart, and sung with a soul-stirring conviction and power that took my breath away…as only she can do. I’ve NEVER had a song speak to me in such volumes or resonate so deeply within my spirit. I finally had the answers to all those questions about myself I had been carrying in my heart, and it felt. So. Dayam. Good.

It freed me. It validated me. It empowered me.

I don’t need your opinion

I’m not waiting for your ok

I’ll never be perfect

But at least now I’m brave

Now, my heart is open

I can finally breathe

Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of me…

Talk about a WOAH moment…

So powerful is her message, so inspiring is her performance, that I felt compelled to share it with you all. So please, do yourselves a favour, and check out this incredible song of self-realisation and empowerment…and believe the words with all your heart. I know I do. And a MASSIVE, heartfelt thank you to the gorgeous girl herself, Jenn, for sending me this dedication and for changing my life with just one post-it note…

No. 142 – Cross one thing off this list each month in 2012 (at least)

My vision for the wonderful year that was 2012 kinda went something like this…

I wanted to set my INTENTIONS for the year and watch them blossom…

I wanted to be held ACCOUNTABLE for my successes and  life choices (a.k.a. choosing joy and happiness)…

I wanted to CHALLENGE myself to achieve something in each of the 12 months of a new, exciting, and oh-so-full-of-possibilites year…

I wanted to COMMIT to something important to me and follow it through to the end…

I wanted to DEVELOP, LEARN, GROW and EVOLVE through my experiences…

So I did…simple, really…

Looking back now, it’s funny to see how it started out: small, easy, localised goals; then gained some momentum; and then exploded into a non-stop whirlwind of goal-achieving, life-changing, fire-in-the-belly goodness! Seriously, it took on a life of its own…

Here’s the easy steps I took to achieve these goals:

+ Set your intentions – Like, right now…

+ Use POWERFUL words – Hit the thesaurus if you need, read other people’s blogs for ideas, or just sit in silence and ask the Universe for the words to describe what you need most…they will come, I promise.

+ Put them out there on show – Dress ’em up, pimp ’em out, make them fabulous, and share them with the whole world…

+ Seek opportunities to achieve – I believe in the simple ‘YES’ philosophy: when an opportunity presents itself, just respond with ‘YES’…trust me, this works!

+ Get those good ol’ positive, ‘can-do’ vibes coursing through your veins – Achieving goals is like the ultimate mood-lifter…

+ Celebrate your awesomeness – Reflect upon your achievement, appreciate it, cherish it…and write it down so you always have a snapshot of how you felt in that moment. It makes such a wonderful memento of your journey!

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So, how did I go with my month-by-month goal-achieving goodness for 2012? See for yourself…

No. 103 – Picnic at the beach with Muggy

No. 25 – Reflect…

 No. 11 – Meditate

No. 62 – Get a tan

No. 67 – Learn to ride a bike

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No. 40 – Run and play in the rain

No. 53 – Follow my dreams, not someone else’s…

No. 14 – Study abroad

No. 147 – Drink beer from a traditional beer stein in Germany

No. 21 – Laugh for no reason…

 No. 55 – Forgive him

 No. 39 – Have my photo taken in Paris near the Eiffel Tower

 No. 136 – Wander the halls of the Louvre

 No. 143 – See and touch snow for the first time

No. 138 – Swim in the Mediterranean Sea

No. 137 – Eat gelato on the Spanish Steps in Rome

No. 139 – Marvel at the Sistine Chapel

No. 135 – Pay my respects at a former Nazi concentration camp

No. 2 – Travel around Europe

No. 149 – Eat a traditional foot-long hotdog

No. 150 – Go to a live baseball game in the USA

No. 102 – Hold hands…

An Aussie in Antigonish: My life in Canada – Week 1, Week 2, Week 3.

No. 127 – Make a wish…

No. 157 – Celebrate Thanksgiving

No. 151 – Scream my lungs out at an ice hockey match

No. 148 – Celebrate Halloween

An Aussie in Antigonish: My life in Canada – Weeks 4, 5, 6

No. 50 – Be kind to myself

An Aussie in Antigonish: My life in Canada –Weeks 7-9, Weeks 10-12

Special: A letter to my 15-year old self…

No. 146 – Try ice skating

No. 117 – Have a White Christmas

No. 72 – See a show on Broadway…

No. 144 – See the bright lights of Times Square.

No. 158 – Have breakfast at Tiffany’s

No.76 – Have an adventure…

An Aussie in Antigonish: My life in Canada – Weeks 13-15

Special: An Aussie in Antigonish Saying Goodbye – An open love letter to my friends at StFX…

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What about yourself? Did you achieve some MAJOR goals in 2012? How did you achieve them? Do you have some big, exciting, breathtaking, out-of-this-world goals for 2013? Share them here, I’d love to know…

No.76 – Have an adventure… (otherwise known as ‘My Beautiful Life: 2012 in Retrospect…’)

Crossed off the list 31st December, 2012

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Wow.

Like, seriously…WOW.

What an action-packed, wildly adventurous, jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, non-stop rollercoaster, whirlwind of a year this was – phew! 2012 was, without a doubt, the BEST year of my life, thus far…no joke. This was my year of adventure, self-discovery, solo world travelling, soul searching, broken heart-mending, spirit quenching, magical ah-ha! moments, fuelled by non-stop, massive, dreamscomingtrue-goodness!

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As I look back on my incredible journey through the last 365 days of blessings, I am transported back to this exact day a year ago – my first New Year’s Eve alone after the collapse of my marriage – and to this memory:

I was sitting at my computer, reading my friend Rach’s yearly review of 2011, which was jam-packed with all her marvelous accomplishments, each word oozing joy and love and energy…and I was sobbing huge, body-wracking tears. As I read my friend’s beautiful words, I felt a massive ache in my heart and soul as I realised that my life was devoid of such joy, such spirit, such adventure….such self-love. I distinctly remember feeling a deep-seeded, desperate yearning to live a big, bright, bold, beautiful life like she did. And in that moment, I made a promise to myself to make it all happen in 2012: to usher as much love, light, joy, adventure, magic, and spirit into my world, so that I would never again feel so empty inside…

And guess what?

I did.

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2012 was my adventure. It was the year I truly began to live. It was the year I found myself. It was the year that I began to love myself. It was the year that, quite literally, changed my entire life.

I chased my dreams, literally, around the world. I achieved amazing goals. I pushed my boundaries and limits – physically, mentally, and emotionally. I dared to take risks. I plunged ahead into the unknown, heart pounding and wide-eyed. I opened my heart, my mind, my eyes, my soul, and my spirit to the magic in this world and learned infinitely from all my experiences…the good, the bad, and everything in between. I forged my own path, even when that meant leaving others behind and losing what I used to consider some of my most important relationships. I created new bonds, new friendships, and new connections with amazing souls across the globe. I lived alone in a foreign country. I finally freed myself of the crippling depression and anxiety that plagued my life and robbed me of my luster for almost a decade. I wept in gratitude, I shook in terror, I laughed in joy, I fell to my knees in forgiveness, I sat in silence. I surrendered my old views of myself – the person I once was and the past that came with it – and embraced the new, vibrant, confident, self-assured, brave adventurer I became. I reclaimed my spirit. I became whole again.

In short, 2012 was the year of ME.

What a marvellous adventure it was…

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And now as it draws to a close, I am humbled by the extraordinary gifts and blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I am amazed, quite frankly, that the girl in those photos, in those blog posts, in those situations and experiences, is me. That I have done things that I never dared to dream of because I thought they were impossible, or that I was not worthy, or that I was too old/tired/sad/weak to try.  That the bubbly, bright, beautiful soul that I now see in the mirror has come so far from where she started a year ago – and what a wonderful sight she is…

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I realised something important today.  Even though my passport and backpack will be put away for the next year while I finish my final year of University, my journey of self-discovery will continue. In fact, it will never end. I started this year full of doubt, panic, uncertainty, fear, and false pretenses. I’m so proud to say I am ending this year brimming with confidence, contentedness, clarity, and courage (and yes, I am aware of the alliteration there)

May 2013 bring you all the love, light, joy, magic, and never-ending adventure that you deserve.

Shanny xxx

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An Aussie in Antigonish Saying Goodbye: An open love letter to my friends at StFX…

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To my dearest Canadian friends,

I truly don’t know how to start this letter.  Even as I write this, I am still in denial and disbelief that my time here with you has come to an end…I mean, it feels like I only just got here! But the reality is that four months have indeed passed and it is time for me to go home. Although I am excited to be reunited with my friends and family in Australia, I also leave you with a heavy heart and a deep sadness, because you have all, quite by accident and with no explicit intention, become my family here in Canada. It wasn’t until this moment, on the cusp of my departure, that I realised what an amazing little life I had manifested for myself here in this small, rural (and at times, crazy) town, and the impact that the wonderful and colourful characters that I call my friends and loved ones have had on me.

When I first arrived here at the end of August, I was unconvinced that this was the right place for me; in fact, in all my travels around the world, I had never felt so different, so isolated, and so out of place as I did here during that first week or so. I began to worry that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Seriously, I even remember scheming and dreaming of ways to escape, to pack my bags, cash in my scholarship money, and run like hell back to Europe…

But then, a small miracle happened: I met you.

From the first day at orientation when you took me under your wing, guiding me through the registration process, exchanging friendly greetings and warm wishes of welcome, showing me around the campus, easing my anxiety, and making me feel less like an outsider; followed by our day at Crystal Cliffs, where I was blown away by the endless energy, infectious enthusiasm, and diverse personalities of these new people I would soon be calling my peers. By the end of the night at Curriculum Colours, I knew I had met some of the most interesting, fun, eclectic, and entertaining people of my life. All of a sudden, I wasn’t so worried…

Over the weeks, my life here just got better and better: classes, coffee catch-ups, house parties, dates, socials, football/rugby/hockey/basketball games, birthdays, road trips, conferences, movie nights, Wednesday Wing Night at Piper’s, Homecoming, Thanksgiving, Halloween, X-Ring…the experiences you all gave me were amazing and have provided me with countless memories I will treasure forever. Whether it was teaching me new Canadian words and terms (I find myself adding that little ‘eh’ to the end of my sentences now), or introducing me to your culture, customs, food, music (I’m so happy to be going home to Australia with my copy of Stan Roger’s ‘Barrett’s Privateers’), and games (Beer Pong, anyone?), you made my life here bigger and brighter than I could have ever imagined. And you all became so important to me and I’d like to take this time to thank you.

To my dearest friend, and Canadian ‘sister’, Evelyn…I send you my deepest and sincerest love and gratitude for your un-ending support, fierce loyalty, and incredible friendship. From easing my anxiety, to showing me around campus; giving me advice in my darkest moments, to doing my hair; sitting by my bedside and nursing me at my sickest all through the night, to inviting me home for Thanksgiving…this woman has been my personal angel. Impromptu road trips, sing-alongs, endless hours of thought-provoking and soul-searching conversations, roll on the floor laughter, Friday night dinner dates, Sunday morning breakfasts, girly weekends away, a never-ending supply of hugs and words of encouragement …wow, I’m so lucky to have her as a friend! I’m serious when I say that my life has forever changed because of Ev’s glowing presence and I will miss her every day until we are reunited. I will always love you, my darling.

To the guy who first captured my attention at Crystal Cliffs in his sunnies and bandana, berating me for forgetting how to ‘penguin walk’…whose quiet cool and subtle confidence intrigued me…who held my hand when he walked me home…gave me great advice and broad shoulders to cry on…taught me how to two-step…who told me I had “eyes that melt the world”: KJ. I’m so thankful for the time we had together and for the wonderful moments we shared. You brought so much joy to my life here and I only wish that things had ended better for us. To me, you always will be the guy with the gorgeous smile who gave me butterflies when you kissed me and made me feel like I was walking on clouds…you will always have a place in my heart.

To Neil, my Canadian ‘brother’ – thanks for always being there to take me to hockey games, buy me Burt Reynolds shots at the pub, spin me around the dance floor, give me a hug when I need it, and for teaching me how to play ‘slap shots’…you are a true character, m’dear, and I will miss you terribly. I want to see you in Australia very soon!

To Kayla, Josh, Adri, Chelsie, and everyone living on the Seed who welcomed me into their home to stay for my last week, and made sure I had a blast every moment I was living there – THANK YOU! You guys are amazing…my deepest love and thanks to you always.

To all the girls – thank you for your unwavering friendship and support. You made me feel like a part of something special and always made my days brighter. You are incredible women who will go on to have wonderful lives filled with love, success, and wonderment. I hope you all keep in touch.

To the boys – thank you for endless shenanigans, never-ending entertainment, and for teaching me the art of ‘chirping’…you guys will always be my mates and I’ll always think of you whenever I hear dogs barking…haha.

All of you played a part in my journey, whether you realised it or not, and I am eternally grateful for the gifts of extraordinary experience you all gave me. Every smile, every kind word, every comment about my blog, every intellectual exchange in class, every cheers over a beer, every hug, every laugh, every kiss…they all mean more to me than words can say, and without them, I would have never made it through. You will always be my friends and I will miss you every day. You all have a place to stay if you ever choose to make the journey to Australia, whether that be in a year or ten.

I know that to most of you I will always just be the Aussie exchange student who passed through town for a semester, just a small part of your final chapter at university; but to me, you were, you are, and always will be, my whole story…

All my love, always.

Shanny, your ‘lil Aussie mate

No. 50 – Be kind to myself

Crossed off the list 26/11/2012

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I’ve recently had a HUGE self-realisation: I spend more energy, kindness, and love on others than I do on myself. Fact.

This is not a good thing.

So, how did I come to this oh-my-goodness-what-a-huge-awakening moment? Well, it all started when I broke up with my Canadian boyfriend 2 weeks ago; sad, I know, but it had to be done – I just decided it was time to end it before things went seriously downhill. I thought we ended our relationship on good terms, with promises from both parties to remain mates. A few days passed, radio silence commenced, texts were ignored/unanswered, and the loneliness and doubt started to creep in. One night, I was sitting alone in my room having a big teary, wondering how/where/when/why everything went sideways, and feeling very isolated and sad (you know the scene, we’ve all been there at some point, but it is even harder when you are alone and away from home on the other side of the world). In my teary state, I asked the Universe why it is that I have so much kindness and love to give, but no one to accept, respect, nurture, and return it to me? And you know what I heard in response?

“How about you try giving all that love/energy/gratitude/joy/energy to yourself? What if you loved yourself with that much intensity and passion? What if you showered yourself with such overwhelming kindness – would you appreciate it? Would you feel satisfied? Content? Wanted? Loved? Deserving? Hmmmm…maybe you’re the person you’re searching for…”

Wow.

Talk about a revelation….

In that moment, I knew it in my heart to be true – I’d become so busy looking for someone to give my ‘everything’ to that I had forgotten about the most important person in my life: ME. What if I started consciously practicing self-love every day? What if I made ‘me’ the centre and source of my happiness? What if I focused on building myself up to be the very best ‘Shanny’ I can be, and give myself all the love, energy, and kindness that I usually reserve for others? Maybe then I will feel like there is someone who appreciates and accepts all that I have to offer – big smiles, quirks, chubby thighs, and all…After I made that decision and set my intention to invest in some much-needed self-love, the tears dried up instantly and the biggest smile spread across my face – the relief was immediate and overwhelming.

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Since that momentous ta-dah! moment, I have never felt better – seriously. I wake up every morning at 5:30am, pumped and ready to go for the day (for those of you who know me well, you’ll know how much I usually hate early mornings and love a good sleep in – my, how things can change!). I start off with with at least 15-20 minutes of soft breathing, meditation, and offering up my gratitude; I then bounce around my room to my new ‘Wake Up, Sunshine!’ playlist on iTunes, chock full of up-beat, kick-butt, fun tunes – nothing like a rocking 6am dance party to start your day! A yummy breakfast of Greek yogurt, granola and fresh blueberries follows while I get ready for school, and on the long drives to my prac school in the mornings, I gaze out the window, watch the sun light up the Canadian landscape, listen to my favourite tracks, and smile non-stop at the beauty I see.

After my day at school ends, I make sure to eat a healthy, early dinner (before 6pm); go to the gym to make myself feel strong and happy (and I’m also trying to lose the weight I’ve put on here, because I have to go home to summer a.k.a. bikini season – yikes!); drink as many cups of raspberry green tea I can manage; soak in warm bubble baths; read new books; watch my favourite movies in bed; relax; stretch; write; meditate some more; and cuddle Muggy Jnr in bed, falling asleep at a respectable hour. I am being kind to myself every day – in my actions, my thoughts, my practices, my nourishment, and my very essence.

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It’s not only my daily routine that’s changed though – it is also my attitude and my spirit. Seriously, you can’t wipe the smile off my face. I laugh a lot more, even when I’m on my own. I do what I want, when I want – even if that means saying no to social invites or parties. I forgive myself more easily. I’m more confident. I give myself permission to be me – weirdness and all. I am taking charge of my life. I am responsible for my happiness. I show myself kindness every day, in as many ways possible. I am becoming more and more comfortable with being on my own – in fact, I’m starting to really dig it…

It’s also about self-empowerement. Example: I’ve always wanted something from Victoria’s Secret. So, instead of waiting for a man to buy it for me (which I knew wasn’t going to happen any time soon), I bought myself a lovely VS silk negligee during my girl’s weekend away in Halifax, with the intention that I would just wear it for myself. Every night I slip into it after my bath/shower, spray myself with my nicest perfume, and proceed to strut around my room like I’m Miranda Kerr, channeling my inner-VS Angel, feeling super sexy and confident. Another example: I took myself out for a date on Friday night, just because I wanted to (I got dressed up and everything!). And again on Saturday night – I went out on my own, and was not afraid to sit in a bar/restaurant all by myself,  just enjoying my own company. And you know what? It. Felt. Great. (word).

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I have also decided to let up on myself a bit; instead of always trying to make things ‘perfect’, I’m going to start accepting them for what they are, as they come…and that goes for ‘me’ too. Just because something isn’t exactly as I envisioned it, doesn’t mean that it is any less worthwhile or important. This blog and my list is a perfect example – there are so many goals on my list that I have technically achieved/experienced, but I’m afraid to actually cross them off and blog about them because they weren’t exactly perfect, or as I described/pictured, or because I couldn’t get the perfect snapshot of the moment…silly, pointless, self-sabotaging reasons, really. So I’m making the promise to myself to stop worrying about looking for the ‘perfection’ I’m striving for, and to start accepting and relishing the different, slightly-skewed, and sometimes unconventional moments and experiences that come my way. So if you see some new additions to the blog that may seem a bit dated, just accept that this is me living up to my promise to be kind to myself and to be proud of my accomplishments, even if they slightly varied from the original plan.

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So anyways, that’s what I’ve come to realise. I can’t expect anyone else to fall head-over-heeels in love with me, if I don’t fall madlytrulydeeply in love with myself first. And how will I know what real, authentic, honest, and beautiful love looks like if I can’t identify it? Look inside yourself first, then the rest will come in good time. Practicing self-love rocks. Ease up. Be your big, bright, beautiful self. Awesomeness is addictive. Kindness is the key that unlocks you from your inner prison.

Be kind to yourself x

A letter to my 15-year old self…

I’m taking a leaf out of my dear blogger friend’s book here (Jenn @ Positivity Pimp, I’m looking your way, babe) and sharing with you all a letter I wrote to my 15-year old self….

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Dear 15-year old Shanny,

If I could sit next to you right now, I would give you a big hug, wipe away your tears, and tell you that you, m’dear, are going to live a big, bright, beautiful life one day. You may feel that this is impossible to imagine right now, and I know that life is hard for you, trying to figure out where you fit in and always thinking that you aren’t good enough, but I want to set the record straight and tell you that you are an amazing little gem of a person and that one day you will find your place in this world….I promise.

You will spend your teenage years wondering why you aren’t part of the ‘popular’ crowd, why people laugh at you behind your back, why they poke fun of your bright and bubbly personality, when all you want to do is be liked and be a part of something that gives you comfort and a sense of belonging. Don’t worry so much about what people think – there will come a time in your life when you finally shed this insecurity and you will find comfort and solace in yourself, your own uniqueness and magic, and there will be people who love you for it. High school will be some of the hardest years of your life, but you WILL overcome it, I assure you. It will take you many years and lots of hard lessons will be learned, but you will get there. You will encounter some very tough times in these years, and you will hurt with such intensity that you will feel like there is no way out and you will look for anything to take the pain away. As much as I’d like to tell you not to do these things, I know that you need to experience them to help you become the person you will be – just don’t let yourself be defined by your circumstances. Learn to roll with the punches, let the insults slide off you like drops of water, and develop your resilience. Keep striving and dreaming for a better life – it is coming your way…

Just before your 18^th birthday, you will meet who you think is the love of your life. He will sweep into your existence with such charisma and magic, just like a modern day Prince Charming, and you will fall madly, truly, deeply in love with him. He will open your eyes up to another world, the one you’ve been so desperately been seeking, and he will encourage you, support you, give you a sense of security, and love you very much. You will marry this man and it will make your heart soar with love and promise of a glittering future together. You will cultivate a beautiful life together, laughing endlessly, sharing openly, and basking in each other’s love. However, you will also have to face your demons during this time and it will manifest in a terrible and crippling condition of anxiety that will rob you of your joy and luster. You will feel like you are going crazy and that you have no control over your mind, your body, and your life. It is going to be a tough slog (I won’t sugarcoat it) but I promise, you will triumph and overcome it eventually – it will take years, and much hardship and heartache, but you will be cured one day.

You will also finally wake up and follow your true calling in life, and you will give up your corporate job and all the amazing financial perks that come with it to pursue your dream of becoming a teacher. Even though you will feel like you are going backwards in some way, you will actually be propelling yourself forward in ways that you never dreamed. You will love university and the new life that awaits you as a student, and you will excel and finally find a place in this world where your intellect and feistiness will be a merit, not a liability.

Unfortunately, though, my darling young one, you will not get the happily ever after you had planned on and dreamed of. You will be betrayed by your love in the cruelest and most horrendous way imaginable; you will lose everything you ever worked for – your marriage, your house, your financial security, your future together – and it will leave you devoid, broken, and lost. You will spend months and years mourning the loss of this love, the future children you will no longer have together, and the death of the life you had planned for. Your identity will be stolen; you will not know who you are because all you did for decade was build yourself around him, and when all this is stripped away from you, you will be left a broken, empty, and confused mess. I won’t lie; these will be the most excruciatingly painful and bleakest months of your entire life; you will feel trapped in a war not of your own making. You will feel like your heart is breaking all over again every morning when you wake up, and you will move through the days like a zombie, searching for anything that will give you peace and leave you numb. You will cry yourself to sleep every night, praying and begging for the pain to end…

But in these moments, the darkest of your life, you will still triumph. You will overcome. You will re-build yourself and discover who you truly are and what you want from your life. You will experience amazing opportunities that you never dreamed possible: you will travel the world alone, marveling at the beauty and grandeur of cities like Paris, Rome, Budapest, Prague, Berlin and London. You will be challenged, and you will overcome these experiences with grace, bravery, and dignity. You will weep with gratitude and forgiveness as you stand before the Eiffel Tower; you will pray under the roof of the Sistine Chapel and marvel at its beauty; you will stand before the relics of history and bow your head in respect and reverence; and you will laugh and dance and feel more alive and freer than you ever have in your entire life.

This journey of self-discovery will take you to places you never imagined. Shanny, you will be empowered and independent for the first time in your life; your dream of studying abroad will come true, and you will move to the other side of the world and meet some of the most amazing and interesting people of your life. You will fit in within this crazy piece of the world, and it will feel like home, even though you are so far away from where it all began. You will find solace and peace within yourself and you will rejoice in this understanding, as you will finally know who you are and love yourself for it. You will be grateful for the tragedies that have befallen you, because without them, you would have missed out on this breathtakingly beautiful and wonderful life that you now lead, and you know you wouldn’t change that for the world. You will blossom.

If I can give you any final words of advice, my darling little me, it would be these:

Live your life with intention, not in imitation. Be proud, be bold, be brave. Never let your inner sparkle be tarnished by the cruelty of the world. Smile, even when it hurts. Lift your head up high and hold it there. Learn from every experience – the good, the bad, and everything in between; this will help you to recognise the signs next time they come along. Be kind to others, but most importantly be kind to yourself; you are so precious and amazing. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you or makes you happy. When you get knocked down, stand up, dust yourself off and ask: what can I learn from this? Be the heroine of your own story. Smile. Laugh. Pull faces for no reason. Take a chance – you never know what is coming next. Kiss the boy. Make it happen. Today is a new start: live it like a boss.

All my love, light, joy, and gratitude to you always, my precious soul…

From 29-year old Shanny xo

Pinned from here

‘An Aussie in Antigonish’ – My life in Canada…

Weeks 7, 8 & 9

Pinned from here

Happy November, everyone! Wow, I can’t believe we are already in the second-to-last month of 2012…where did the year go? <insert incredulous tone of voice and stunned facial expressions here>

The last few weeks here in Antigonish have been a whirlwind of shenanigans, adventures, lessons, opportunities, moments of beauty, and plenty of self-realisations and personal conquests. In short, it’s been full-on. Whew! I’ve been thinking a lot about the Universe and how it presents us with an abundance of opportunities every day; whether or not we throw caution into the wind and take those opportunities, no matter how vague or impromptu they may be, is our choice. I feel like we spend so much of our time deliberating the pros and cons of doing things, trying to decide whether to pursue opportunities or not, deciding on their value or worth, worrying what others may think of us, that we miss out on the true joy of just being, living right there in the moment. That’s why I’m totally loving this quote right now:

“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value – the rapture that is associated with being alive –  is what it is all about.”

~ Joseph Campbell ~

See, isn’t it just awesome?!? So that’s the way I’ve been living my life recently – just saying a big, enthusiastic, resounding “YES!” to every opportunity that presents itself to me, in any shape or form, and living in the moment 100%. Want to work on a project together? YES! Want to jump in the car, go for a drive, and see where we end up? YES! Want to try this new food/drink/game? YES! Want to jump on a bus in 2 hours time and go to the very bottom of Nova Scotia for a Phys Ed teacher conference (even though you are not a PE teacher, not from Nova Scotia, and have no accommodation booked) with all your mates, for free? YES, YES, YES!!!

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Living with an open mind and open heart is proving to be good for me. I have been focusing on my Spirit Plan, which is a set of rules I wrote out for myself, advocating that I embrace the positives in my life and steer myself in the direction I choose. This means starting each day with meditation and offering up my gratitude to the Universe for the amazing life I am blessed to live; eating healthy and delicious foods (I’m hooked on fruit at the moment, can’t get enough of the stuff); reading the inspiring/uplifting quotes and affirmations I have written in my journal every morning when I wake up (great booster for the day); going to the gym to empower myself; writing when I need to; allowing myself to be alone and to enjoy and become comfortable with the concept; being happy; and telling myself to look for the beauty and joy in every day and jump at all the opportunities that come my way…hmmm, something tells me that this is working…

Source: Striking Truths

So, what else has been happening in my world since we last spoke? Here’s a quick round-up of some of the awesome things I have been up to in the last few weeks here in Canada…

+ Falling in love with Fall

Seriously, have you ever seen such beautiful colours in nature?!? It is like living in a picture book here. I am constantly snapping away at the gorgeous scenery around town and on campus…and lots and lots of leaves (I’m addicted). Add in some warm Fall fashion, hot cups of coffee, chilly fresh air, bowls of soup, cuddles, and afternoons filled with blogging while curled up on the couch at my favourite coffee shop in town, and you have yourself the perfect setting to fall in love with Fall…ahhh!

+ My first ice hockey game

Exciting. Breathtaking. Fast. Brutal. Addictive. Read more here.

+ TAPHE (PE Teacher) Conference in Yarmouth

Does it look like I’m having a good time here? Um, yeah I am!

You know how I was talking about taking chances and opportunities when they pop up expectedly? Well, this is the perfect example of that concept in action. Last Thursday was just another ordinary day, until I happened, by accident, to bump into a professor in the education faculty who told me there had been a last minute cancellation from a student who was supposed to be going to a conference for Physical Education teachers (which my boyfriend and all my mates just happened to be going to as well), and would I like to take her place? The bus was leaving at 3pm (it was now 12:30pm) and if I wanted a free trip to Yarmouth, then all I had to do was pack a bag and jump on….hmmmm, so what do you think I did? Hey, when the Universe throws you an opportunity like this, you just go with it…

7 hour bus ride = non-stop shenanigans!

The 7 hour trip to Yarmouth (which is at the very bottom of Nova Scotia) with my ‘zedder’ mates was a full-on party filled with sing-alongs, dancing in the seats, chair-surfing, guitar sessions, pit stops, glow sticks, junk food, back of the bus shenanigans, and laughter…non-stop laughter. Seriously, it was one of the most fun experiences of my travels…these people are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Upon arriving in Yarmouth, we headed out to the conference social and proceeded to dance up a storm, then followed up that effort with an intense competition between KJ and I at the local pool hall afterwards (I’m sorry to say that I lost, 2-1). After being locked out of my room at 3am and not being able to access any of my belongings, the staff at the hotel were kind enough to give me a free room of my own (see, its amazing what happens to me at 3am, even in tiny towns in the middle of nowhere…I always seem to end up in some sort of random situation!)

The conference the next day was fantastic, and I got the chance to take a dance class, try my hand at slack-lining (which is like indoor tightrope walking, but harder), and attended great information sessions. To be honest, I was considering changing my major to PE teaching after this day, that’s how much I enjoyed myself. Then it was back on the bus for another 7 hour trip home to Antigonish (which after 2 massive days with only 4 hours sleep I was quite looking forward to), but true to form, my crazy Canadian mates refused to chill on the way home, so the party re-commenced…with gusto. At least I was lucky enough to see some truly breathtakingly beautiful scenery along the way; I have to give it to Nova Scotia – it is one exquisite little province.

A massive shout-out and huge thank you to Dan Robinson for inviting me on this trip and to all my awesome ‘zedder’ mates who gave me the time of my life…you are all incredible and I will NEVER forget this trip! Big gratitude and love to you all xxx

+ Halloween

Read all about my spook-tacular shenanigans here.

+ Some other little tidbits of joy that have brightened my world in the last few weeks:

+ Spur of the moment afternoon drives in the country with my boy + kicking some academic butt (I got a 14.5/15 for a maths assignment!) + sushi and movie nights in + my $10 ballet flats from Walmart + blueberry & pomegranate white tea + Triple J’s Like a Version #8 (especially Josh Pyke’s cover of Endless Summer…epic) + giggles + ‘Beach Music’ (new read, can’t put it down) + random photo moments + walks along the water with my Canadian bestie, Evelyn + meditating in the morning light + granola, greek yoghurt & blueberries + Skyping with my Mum back home + following my Spirit Plan + having the time of my life!

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So, that’s what’s been putting the shebang into my world lately– what about you? What’s happening in your magical life? Please leave your comments in the bubble at the top of the post and fill me in – I’d love to hear from everyone! Let’s spread that joy a little further, eh?

Until next week, lots of love, joy, and gratitude from Antigonish xo

Vision boards – Manifesting your deepest intentions and dreams…

To realise one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it

~ The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho ~

I love this quote. It’s like it reaches into my very soul, gives it a big hug, and tells me that everything is going to be ok. That I don’t have to sweat the small stuff, just as long as I keep focusing on my dreams and goals, and do so with an open and accepting heart. That’s how much I believe in these words: they give me a sense of hope, faith, and determination. It reminds me of my responsibility to seek out my own happiness, and to focus on my deepest and most sincerest intentions, truthfully and honestly. Sometimes, though, this does not come easy. You also have to create opportunities yourself. You have to focus on what you most sincerely and honestly desire to create, with an open and honest heart and a willing and adventurous spirit. You have to set your intention…and do it on purpose.

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No. 127 – Make a wish…

Crossed off the list 3 October, 2012

Last Tuesday, October 2nd, I celebrated the last of my twenty-something birthdays here in Antigonish, away from all my friends and family in Australia (yes, I seriously am that old…). Seeing as though I have only been here in Canada for just over a month, I was expecting to spend my 29th birthday alone, or at least just having a quiet dinner with the new man in my life (which we did). What I did not expect was the amazing, surprising, freaking-out-of-this-world birthday celebrations that my Canadian girlfriends had (secretly) organised me for the following night!

Ready to go to my birthday party!

I was summoned to the local pub with the instructions to dress up (which I gladly did – such a nice change from the usual jeans and Havaianas I normally wear),  and upon my arrival was gobsmacked to discover a mini birthday party set up just for me. I was showered with smiles, hugs a million, beautiful gifts, the best birthday cake ever, and a tiara ceremoniously perched upon my head (a super-girly tradition for birthdays here, as I discovered). As all my wonderful new friends gathered around, lit the candles on the cake, and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, I was overwhelmed by their love, thoughtfulness, and kindness. These are people who have only known me for such a short time, yet have so openly welcomed me into their lives and hearts, and put so much effort into making sure my birthday was a special one. I was so touched by their obvious effort and friendship that I couldn’t help but shed a tear.

Best birthday cake ever!

As I leaned over my cake to blow out the candles to a chorus of “Make a wish, Shanny!”, I closed my eyes and just wished for what was in my heart:

I wish to always be as happy as I am in this very moment, surrounded by love, joy, and friendship. I wish to always follow my heart, and to live a shiny, shimmering, sparkling life filled with hope, love, and promise. To always be me and be true to myself. To let my spirit soar and follow my feet and heart wherever they may take me in this big, wide world. I wish to always be grateful for the love and joy in my life and never forget the kindness of the people who put the magic into my life.

And through that beautiful act of kindness and compassion, my new Canadian friends gave me the ultimate birthday gift – a chance to make one of my dreams come true and cross a milestone off my list whist surrounded by more joy, acceptance, and togetherness than any traveller in a foreign land could possibly feel when so very far from home…

To all of you (you know who you are), I thank you from the very bottom of my heart – you will always be a special part of my journey…

Special moments with the amazing new souls in my world…so blessed xxx

‘An Aussie in Antigonish’ – My life in Canada…

Week 3

Source: Striking Truths

Hello, lovelies! Can’t believe another week has passed me by – it seems like only yesterday that I was sharing last week’s shenanigans with you! But I guess that’s what life is like – sometimes everything moves so fast that we barely have time to stop and catch our breath…that’s why I love writing these weekly posts about my time here in Canada – it helps me to pause, reflect, and appreciate the amazing experiences I am having. I guess you could say this is my ‘deep big breath’….

The last seven days presented me with a few little awesome moments that totally made me feel the sparkle and luminosity of this big, beautiful life I am cultivating. So let’s check out what put the glitter and glow in my world this week:

+ My 2^nd date with KJ: On Tuesday, I took KJ out to dinner at Antigonish’s only sushi restaurant (which was actually not too bad, considering I’m living in a town with a population of like 5,000 people and not a whole lot of cultural diversity). Once again, we spent hours talking, laughing, sharing food, and enjoying each other’s company without any awkward pauses or uncomfortable silences. The days that followed were filled with more strolling hand-in-hand, more fun nights out together, more hours of laughter and engaging conversation, and lots of kisses (ahhh!). After 20 months of being alone, I’m finally dipping my toe back into the relationship pool, and so far, it feels pretty great to me…stay tuned for more!

Spending time with a wonderful new soul in my life!

+ Trying my first Pop Tart. Ok, so not the world’s greatest achievement by any stretch, but it was so cool to try something that I have seen in countless movies, read about in books, and even seen on the shelves of some specialty stores, but never thought about buying…until I found them on sale in the supermarket and KJ insisted I try them (he was shocked that I never had a Pop Tart before…it’s official, I am a freak). It was a delicious treat, (albeit very sweet) and I don’t think I could eat them every day, but it was still a fun little experience and watching KJ’s face as I took my first bite was priceless!

+Participating and sharing my views in class. Although I still feel a little like a fish out of water sometimes (there is a slight language/cultural barrier that I’ve yet to fully overcome), I have found that I have more confidence with my subjects this week and have felt myself slide into my old habits of active class participation. I’m sure that my peers are probably sick of me relating everything we talk about in class to how we do things back home in Australia (apologies!), but I find that it helps to consolidate and align my understanding of the Canadian system with what I already know from my own experiences. And it helps to know that some things in education are universal, so it doesn’t always feel like we are so different after all. I’m super grateful to the amazing and supportive team of professors here who are engaging me in classes, allowing me to share my thoughts, and encouraging me to do my best.

Studying for my classes, Starbucks-style…

+ My first house party. To be even more honest, it was my first house party in twelve years, since I graduated high school (sigh, I’m getting old). Anyways, Saturday night saw me rocking up to a house party I wasn’t invited to, but it turns out I was more than welcome as it was filled with all the BEd. peeps in my degree. It was a night filled with laughter, Beer Pong (what a fantastic game that one is!), music, random party snaps, getting to know everyone, and making more friends…and ended with me falling over in the shower (not my finest moment, but one I can still laugh at). All in all, a great night!

The crazy BEd crew – what a bunch of beauties!

Cuddles with Chels…

+ Skyping with Muggy! My darling little boy turned 3 on Monday (my, how the years have flown by – he’s growing up so fast!) and getting to Skype with him and my mum on Friday night was such a joy that I had tears of happiness when his little face popped up on my screen. Although we may be thousands of miles apart, he still knows his mummy loves and misses him, and when I say his name and talk to him, he reacts to my voice like I’m standing right there next to him. Moments like these make me realise just what I have waiting for me at home and it fills me with contentment and comfort – I know that I have some pretty amazing personalities in my life that love and support me unconditionally, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

Kisses at the camera!

+ Being published in the StFX Xaverian Newspaper. I’m so happy and proud to announce that my first ‘Aussie in Antigonish’ blog entry was published in this week’s university newspaper! Although I had to edit it somewhat (I don’t want these Canadians to see just how crazy I am yet!), I received lots of positive and enthusiastic feedback about the article and have been asked to contribute on a regular basis – whoo! I’ve always wanted to be a published writer, and this little milestone has just brought me one step closer…

My first published piece…so proud!

 

Until next week, lots of love, joy, and gratitude from Antigonish xo

No. 102 – Hold hands…

Crossed off the list 14 & 15 September, 2012.

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something
I think you’ll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand

~ The Beatles ~

Source

Ok, laugh if you must, but this one was a wee bit special for me. When I first added this to the list way back last year, I wasn’t thinking about the mundane let’s-cross-the-street-and-watch-out-for-traffic holding hands; but rather the strolling-side-by-side-our-hands-lightly-graze-then-he-takes-my-hand-and-smiles kinda holding hands scenario…

I know it sounds overly romanticised, and even a bit far-fetched and idealistic, but I am a sucker for the lost art of holding hands with someone who makes you feel amazing. Do you remember the time when holding hands was such a thrill? Like, the butterflies were going crazy in your tummy and made you realise that, “Hey, this person actually likes me enough to share a physical connection with me in public…” When the anticipation of what yet may come starts to build and you start to wonder what will happen next…? I’ve missed that feeling more than words could ever convey, hence why I added this little gem on to the list: in the vain hope that one day, I would feel that little tingle and sense of hope again…

Well, I finally got to experience this on Friday night,  when a certain chivalrous gentleman escorted me home from the local pub. There we were, walking home through the chilly night air, innocently talking and laughing, when all of a sudden it happened – our hands grazed against each other. I kinda froze for a moment, not sure what to do, then smiled to myself as he gently enveloped my hand in his and continued on our way, never stopping the flow of conversation or falling out of step. Then, on our date the following night, we strolled hand in hand done Main Street and it felt like the most natural thing in the world…it was a bit of an ‘Aaahhhhh!’ moment for me  (cue blushing and giggles: very immature of me, I know….)

So anyway, although it may seem like a small milestone to cross off, it actually means a lot to me personally as it is a reminder that there are still chivalrous, polite, decent men out there in the world (which is a bit of an eye-opener for me, all things considering). It was a real pleasure to spend time in the company of such a great guy and to share this special little moment together. For those minutes we walked hand in hand, I felt like a carefree, hopeful, and excited young girl again, butterflies and all…

‘An Aussie in Antigonish’ – My life in Canada…

Week 2:

Wowza, what a difference a week can make! So many awesome things have happened to me during the last 7 days and it feels AH-MAZING! I’m totally in love with life at the moment (it’s a great love affair, actually – I think it may be getting serious…) and everything appears to be falling into place for me – yay! (*cue happy dance complete with booty-shaking, booming bassline, and strobe lights).

Super big smiles this week!

So, how did this amazing week unfold, you may ask? Well, let’s do a quick review of the top 5 highlights of my second week here at StFX in Antigonish:

No. 5 – First day of class. Finally, after 3 months of traveling and living the life of a gypsy, I settled back into the ‘real world’ and attended my first uni class since June. I was worried that it would take me a while to readjust to the academic world, but I managed to segue nicely into the old habits of the classroom environment. I am lucky to have a great faculty backing me up with my studies and they have all been incredibly supportive and welcoming. I have a funny feeling that I’m going to learn so much while I’m here…

Walking to class on a beautiful Fall day!

No. 4 – Trying poutine for the first time ever. O.M.G. If the French Canadians ever got anything right, it is this delicious (although exceptionally fattening and oh-so-bad-for-you) treat. Hot chips + gravy + cheese curd = Ihavediedandgonetojunkfoodheaven goodness…..Especially delicious after a few beers, this was a real eye-opener for me. I’ll never look at hot chips the same way ever again…

No. 3 – Attending my first football game. In the spirit of having an authentic ‘college experience’, I found myself dressing in my StFX best and heading down to the football field for an afternoon of Canadian football (which is basically NFL-style footy, not the Aussie rules/rugby league variations I’m more accustomed to). Although I found the game itself to be tedious, slow and waaayyyy too technical for my liking (just pick the ball up and run!!!), I still found myself enjoying the football culture and cheering when our team scored a touchdown (albeit, there weren’t too many of those – they got thumped by the other team). Add some cans of Bud Light and some cracker play-by-play commentating from my Canadian mates, and it made for a fantastic Saturday afternoon.

First game of the season…

No. 2 – Went on a fantastic date. Yes, you heard me right: I went on a date. Like, with a real honest-to-goodness, down to earth, awesome guy. Dinner at a lovely local restaurant that serves all homegrown/organic produce with rustic small town charm; conversation that flowed as easily as the breeze; lots of laughter and getting to know each other; walking hand in hand down Main Street…ahh! It was such a great night, an absolute treat, and I’m really looking forward to our next date this coming week. A huge thank you to the man himself, KJ, for an awesome night. Turns out, there are actual decent gentlemen out there! True story…

And the number one highlight of my week, with a bullet, is…(drumroll, please…)

No. 1 – Making new friends! Seriously, this week should have been called ‘International Friends Week’ here at StFX. I have been just overwhelmed and touched by the vast amount of lovely new people who have come into my life this week and have all been so incredibly kind, accepting, and welcoming. I have to admit, the accent is a major drawcard (they can’t get enough of my voice, which would be kinda funny for those of you back home who are probably relishing the silence since I left!), but as one of my new mates, Neil, remarked, “It’s not just the accent that makes us like you (although it is cool); you’re a beaut too, Shan”. Naaww…you’re a beaut too, matey!

Feeling the love and friendship with one of my fave Canadian boys, Neil.

I really feel included and appreciated here – my new friends are always calling/texting/Facey messaging me to see how I’m settling in, to invite me to socials and parties (FYI: Canadians are MAD party animals!), to invite me on coffee dates, or just hang out and chat. I am never alone and have already built a fantastic support network of amazing and inspiring individuals who are helping to make this transition a lot easier to handle. So a massive shout out and deepest gratitude to all the awesome peeps in the BEd program for all your amazing support – you guys have totally put the sunshine into my days at StFX so far!

Wing Night with my new mates!

Some other little tidbits of joy that have brightened my week:

Sunny days + freshly-cut green grass + reading “Savages” by Don Winslow (Super gritty and raw reading – couldn’t put it down!) + writing and carry out my ‘Spirit Plan’ (more on that soon) + endless hours of laughter + healthy tuna salads + gym time + listening to Boy & Bear’s ‘Moonfire’ on repeat + Ben & Jerry’s ice cream + holding hands + my first ‘Wing Night’ with the crew at the pub (wings and beer at bargain prices!) + feeling like I have a place in this world, even though I’m so far from home…

Writing my ‘Spirit Plan’ in my cool new journal…

I’m starting to find my place in this new and different environment. With each day I feel more and more comfortable, accepted, and happy. I’m discovering that I can make a life for myself outside of my comfort zone and away from all that is familiar and safe. I am making friends, making my mark on this town and the campus, and finally feeling like I truly belong somewhere in this world. I will continue to rise to the challenges that present themselves to me, and I will keep chasing the joy and opportunities that come my way during my journey…

Until next week, lots of love, joy, and gratitude from Antigonish xo

No. 39 – Have my photo taken in Paris near the Eiffel Tower

Crossed off the list 27 June, 2012

My perfect moment in Paris…

I must preface this by saying that the original description of this dream was to be photographed near the Eiffel Tower ‘wearing black heels, a red trench coat, and holding an umbrella’ (and ideally, in the springtime rain…ahhh, romance at its best!). In my fantasy, the photographer was my husband/lover/significant other, and the moment would capture my love for him and for Paris. However, as I was a poor, single, backpacking uni student at the time, I was unable to fit my Louboutin stilletos, Burberry trench, Dior umbrella, and sexy photographer husband/lover/significant other in my backpack…oh wait, that’s right, I don’t have any of those things…yet.

But I wasn’t going to let little things like that stop me from achieving a dream I’ve had ever since I was 7 years old and researching France for my first school project. The second I saw a picture of the Eiffel Tower in the dusty old Children’s Encyclopedia I was reading (remember those?!?) , I fell madly, deeply, truly in love with Paris, and I knew that I simply MUST visit this magical place one day…twenty-one years later, it finally happened…

For me, the Eiffel Tower has always been an icon of beauty, romance, style, elegance, and European glamour. To actually stand before and marvel in its beauty was one of the greatest moments of my life (and it even had me unintentionally crossing off another amazing moment off my list – read more here).

So although it was not the classic, stylish, Carrie Bradshaw-esqe picture I had imagined, this photograph of me standing before the Eiffel Tower perfectly sums up exactly how I felt at this moment, at this time of my life. And it is a memory I will cherish forever…

And besides, Paris will always be there…

And a sneaky selfie, just for fun!

No. 55 – Forgive him

Crossed of on 26/06/2012

This photo captures the moment I first saw the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and it unleashed a torrent of emotion from deep inside me – hence the bleary, red, teary eyes in the photo (please excuse!) It was at this moment that I realised I forgive him for everything – I forgive the leaving, I forgive the cheating, I forgive the lies and deception and pain that was caused…all of it is forgiven. Seeing the Eiffel Tower for the first time, a symbol of all that I believe about in regard to love, beauty and romance, made me realise that this moment was worth more than any house, any financial settlement, anything in the world – it was priceless. As I felt the tears drip down my face at this incredible sight, I felt a lump of emotion rise in my throat and with each tear, the forgiveness flowed forward and out of me. This moment was worth every night I spent crying, every moment my heart broke, every second I lived in tremendous pain and loss…it was all worth it just for this moment. And I forgive him, over and over…